Super Dad During Pregnancy - Forget the Cape

Parents all over the world will probably scoff at the idea that someone can actually dream up a piece about being "super dad" or admit to having no faults with such precision that you would be lumped into a "super" category, but it happens. Being Super Dad with real live hatched children is one subject, being Super Dad during pregnancy is another.

Pregnancy is horrifying in some aspects. The idea that statistics and probability won't stop on your or your wife's placenta and cause irreparable harm to the baby and possibly the mother is so frightening because many of the side effects of pregnancy fall on the shoulders of stress vs. specific health problems. The mother can read into so many different articles on the internet that ANY freak quip occurring during pregnancy can almost appear like it's actually happening to her.

Nausea, headache, back pain and emotional basketcase-ness can all be somewhat attributed to the mother's state of mind.

If you are in the tall weeds of a depression or dealing with a depressed wife, the attempt at getting you out of it or trying to snap your wife out of it can result in an even deeper dip into the tank of depression because no one can really talk about the pain and suffering being experienced by the pregnant mother besides the pregnant mother.

That being said, it is the father's duty to remain stern, heroic and compassionate.

Here are 5 things to ensure when your wife is pregnant to be sure you get closer to your projected due date with the least amount of emergencies as possible.

1.) Pre-surf the web for your wife. If you are a pregnant woman, stay the hell away from the computer when you are completely vulnerable.

• This is pretty easy to grasp why, but if you don't get the idea, picture leaving your wife playing Tetris one minute and then returning 4 minutes later to find her weeping in the closet out of fear of some rare fetal disease brought on by ingesting delicious chocolates from the store you just happened to purchase delicious chocolates from.

2.) Screen all phone calls for your wife. If you are a pregnant mom, stay the hell off the phone when you are a complete basketcase.

• You'd like to think that 7 phone calls to your mother is healthy, but one wrong word out of the person on the phone's yap and slowing the flow of tears and sobs might take longer than your wife will take to shower during the 36th week. (Hint: THAT'S A LONG TIME)

3.) Do everything without being asked and before it's absolutely necessary. If you are a pregnant mother, don't feel obligated to do ANYTHING until those babies have hatched. AKA: SIT DOWN.

• What else has to be said? Do everything: Laundry, dishes, cooking, shopping, cleaning and probably most important: SHUT UP. Let the pregnant mother vent, and just rub the feet.

4.) Be happy. If you are a pregnant mother, do your best to be happy.

• Jokes, comedic movies, flowers, open up the windows, etc. Your concerns won't go away, but make a conscious effort to make every word or sentence that comes out of your mouth until delivery be positive. Sound hard? QUIT YOUR BITCHING!

5.) Be the rock. If you are a pregnant woman, let your husband be the rock.

• If you get some bad news put the chin up, the chest out and the arm around the baby factory by your side. If you are the fetus factory, let him be there for you. Men, don't forget to shut up. Women, say what you gotta say, but don't push us away.

It isn't difficult to let the tears and fears of having a child, or in our case, children, bog you down physically and emotionally, but if you put up a decent defense and have a semi-plan in order, you will fare better than the other family who is slapping, ignoring, mouthing off to and moving away from each other.

Man up. Pregnant mother? Let your man man up, and you keep eating, drinking and sleeping, that's all we expect of you right now. And let us win a burp contest once in a while too, it's important for our sense of masculinity.